Day 27

I'm watching Sense and Sensibility. Not a very good thing, when my heart is in the state it is.
I listened to the song, Never knew Lonely, today. It was so true. Today I felt so lonely. So sad...just wanted to sigh so loudly, that he could hear me from here. My heart cries out that this would all be over with already. I miss his voice. I just miss HIM! And we have so far to go yet. Right now I want to call him and see how his day went. Tell him that I love him, and wish him pleasant dreams. But I can't. And it hurts. I suppose this missing him is normal, with the other half of my heart being gone.

I actually only had one nap today...not too much coffee, and minimal chocolate. I should be able to sleep well tonight. And I got some sewing done. I feel good about what got done, even with the state that my spirits were in. God continues to give me comfort - even when I feel sad. God gives me hugs :)

That said, I freakin' miss you Baby. Check Yes or No.

<(")

Day 28

28 is better than 31!!

I was not feeling very 'up' today...I actually SAW the sunrise this morning. I think God should have scheduled them later if he wanted me to see them every day. *sigh* But, I made it through the morning. Had a down slump when I had to go to town and get feed though...I ended up right across the road from where Luke works. So close, yet soooo far away. I almost had to cry just from the sheer force that was shoving me, and yet pulling on me at the same time. I know I'm not a dog, and therefor I'm not to reward myself with food, but I had some coffee as soon as possible to celebrate not caving. Oh great. The rest of my afternoon went fairly well. How could it not - I slept for most of it.

After waking, I decided that I needed to try out the new coffee and Cold Cup from Starbucks that [Luke] so sweetly gave me for my birthday. M-M Good. ;) I think he knows me too well.






(Yes, I know they are in the wrong order)

So, now that it's so late in the day, I need to get to work, and finish up some sewing things. With my coffee, A/C, music, and computer, I can get so much done!
God blesses me through the randomest things. Thank you, God!

<(")

Day 29

It's been a bad day. A very bad day. I took 2 naps. Slept so hard both times, and I'm still tired! Not enough prayer time, not enough coffee, not enough chocolate. Not enough laughing. I didn't get anything done today. I don't feel important. And that was proved. We never found out that the ladies' bible study was moved. No one bothered to call me... Yes, I am complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. I'll stop now.

The things that I am thankful for:

God
Luke
Family
Sunshine
COFFEE
Kisses (the chocolate variety :( )
Movies
Naps
Internet
Facebook
Silly websites that make you laugh

Whew... But, I feel blessed. God is still God, and He is still in control. I have nothing to worry about. Thank you, Jesus!

<(")

Day 30

My posts may not be long, but I would like to get to posting every day...to document, and discipline myself to be able to do this. It can't be that hard...

Today was mostly good...not all dead, but slightly alive. Which is better than crying all the time! I had decided that God has all this in His hands, and if I try and mess with it, I'll mess something up. I need to keep my patty fingers out of God's business. That said, I need to do more praying....letting God work is easier said than done.

I was so tired today. A combination of stress, not sleeping, crying, and a host of other things. So I drank coffee to stay awake. Lots of it. Now I'm having trouble sleeping. Not good....but it gives me quiet times to pray when I'm not distracted!
I am confident that God has everything in His hands, and under control. It's my job to pray that He work His will in my life, and to be obedient to His Word. I love God! He blesses me more than I can begin to count! God wants us to ask for blessings...so if you feel you aren't being blessed, ask yourself if you are ASKING Him to bless you!! God wants to be wanted. He created us to worship Him. he created us with a purpose. Go, praise God!!

<(")

The Countdown: Day 31

I'll be loving you forever....this is the song I am listening to. He gave it to me the other night to listen to, cause we both knew what was going to happen. It sure didn't make it any easier. This morning, I wanted to wake up and be told this nightmare is over. But its not. 31 more days. I just want to sit here and cry my eyes out. It hurts so bad. Silence, for a month?! Are you kidding me? That sounds like forever...if I would have used the head God gave me, I would have protested that 2 weeks is plenty of time. Because now I understand some of the repercussions that will happen. I wish God would have made those things clear to me before this. I would have had a different opinion. But you know what? Its happened, and I CAN'T CHANGE IT. NO MATTER HOW BAD IT HURTS.

So, today I sit here...crying out to God what to do next. He is the only way I am ever going to make it through the next month without going insane. He is the only one that will calm and quiet my heart about what could and would happen. And what will. God is in control. He has my good in mind, and will never leave me or forsake me.

<(")

Now, on to the next chapter....

Today is my birthday....I like to tell people that I am old now, having passed from the teenage years, and into my 20's. I really liked those teen years....so much good happened, so much learning.....but, I will also enjoy growing older and wiser. With age comes wisdom, right? Can I be 90 today?

God has blessed me with wonderful family, friends, and heart supporters. I don't know what I would do without them. They keep me going when the road seems too long and hard.

Here is to today: May God be the center, may we seek Him with all our hearts, and may we love more deeply than ever before.

Growing older is mandatory, growing up is optional. (I know some people (wink wink) that would agree with me)

I may post again later with pictures ;)

This post is long overdue...

When I last posted, it was on a very difficult weekend of my life. As the Lord had it, there WAS a break in our relationship, but just one week later, God brought us back together, and had plans for us. He is so good! Just TWO days later....we were ENGAGED! June 6th.... :) Wedding planning was in full swing....so many things to plan, decide, and be indecisive about. But, oh so much fun. There was even a date set. We were so excited.

Sadly, as you can tell, everything that I am writing is in the past tense. Just 1 month and 11 days after being engaged, we parted ways permanently. That is, until God leads differently. The reason this happened, is long and painful to describe. All I can say, is that God is doing a work in both of us, and He will reveal His wonderful plan to us, as He sees fit.

Its very heartbreaking though....there are so many memories...some days, I can't stop crying. I won't eat Oreos. I won't play piano. Singing is hard. Chocolate sticks in my throat. Laughter is few and far between. Its so hard to let go....all of our pictures went away for a while....along with notes, chocolate wrappers, dried roses etc....so that I can grieve and heal during this time. I am praying for him, me, us....I'm praying for the will of God to be shown in and through us.

Take care to notice - I love him dearly and desperately. That will not change.
God just has different plans for our lives, separately, right now.

This is so hard to write...I would not trade the last 7 months of my life, or the privelege of knowing Luke, for ANYTHING. I have learned so much from him...He brought a laughter and a joy to my life, that was not there before. It has been a pleasure to know him.

I still love you, Luke Dominic Massey.

My heart is breaking

Today, I had to do the hardest things ever. I had to say good bye. To someone that I love dearly. I am only strong enough to do this, because of God's divine strength within me.

We have mutually agreed that there needs to be a break in our relationship, so that we can see what it is that God is trying to work out in us. I have total confidence in the plan that God has - no matter what it is. I love him enough to let him go. It hurts me to see him hurting. I can pray for him. I can be his friend.

There is no good bye.

I love you, Luke Dominic Massey.

God, please heal my breaking heart...

This weekend has been the toughest in my life. I'm still not sure how everything will turn out, but I need a miracle. I am asking you to pray with me. MY GOD WILL MAKE A WAY!

Oh, Joy!

Wow! It has been way to long since I have posted something here.

I am once again, the Lady of the House. This time, mom is gone to Albania, Europe on a mission trip. I think that God is using this time to prepare me foe something in my future. I have a lot of mixed feelings about her being gone. Its way too long and involved a story to post on here, but I know God has a plan. It will all work out for His glory.

Saturday was a particularly hard day for me, knowing that mom was leaving on Monday etc. Having been on the phone with Luke for the better part of an hour, I knew he would come around noon. He asked me to meet him at the gate. I said. "Sure, why not? I would love that!" I got to the gate about the same time he did. I went to his door, and he asked me to close my eyes. (All this time, i'm thinking, umm what on earth?!)So, I closed my eyes. When he said to open them, there was the most beautiful bouquet of roses in front of me. 3 ginormous roses. Red roses. I was speechless. They were so beautiful!! After thanking, and hugging him, i sat back to admire them. We both found significance in three roses. Well, first of all, red is for Love. And the three roses symbolize God, Luke, and I. A trio. A circle. Never ending. I love it. After putting them in more water, mom got the camera, and took some (many) pictures for us. I love them all, and can't decide which ones are my favorite. I will share some with you. During this whole time, I was thanking God for blessing me with such a wonderful man to love. I believe that He has a wonderful plan and purpose for our lives. I can't wait to find out what it is!

Ok, here are some {adorable} pictures for you to enjoy!

Will you be my Valentine?

I have a boyfriend. A completely amazing boyfriend. And his name is Luke.
It means "Belonging to the Lord".

Although we have been dating for a few weeks already, we wanted to wait to make it public until Valentines. So, now I can shout it out.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

God has blessed me so much the last few weeks. Months. Years. He had the perfect person picked out for me. Thank you, God!!!

Here is a picture of us - about to leave for out first 'official' date. :D

Sick and Tired

I'm sick and tired. Sick of body. Sick of mind. Sick of spirit.
Sick and Tired of "IT" still being a secret. God, When will it end?

So Blessed

I. Am. So. Incredibly. Blessed.

Ahh, thank you God, for wonderful friends that give just the right advice, right when I need it :)

"I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and THAT, my soul knows right well." Psalm 139

The urge to blog - how strange!

I feel an incredible urge to blog - lol. This does not happen to me much any more. I want to blog about my day, my week, and just in general, so here goes.

My day: So well, today I have been in a very weird, giggly-ish mood. Almost nothing makes me laugh. I think it is because I am very happy for all my friends that have gotten bit with this strange thing that must be in the water somewhere. But not in my well, sadly. They have all gotten bit by the 'boyfriend bug'. LOL I love the fact that they are happy, but it is saddening all the same.
I keep going back and reading a friend's blog, because it just cracks me up! She's like a kid in the candy store with her new boyfriend, and its just so CUTE!
I watched movies today while I sewed, to keep me company. The Fighting Kentuckian (John Wayne of course) was followed by August Rush and than an old camp movie. Oh, and Lady and the Highwayman. What a collection!
Tonight I got to FACEBOOK! It seems like forever, but it was really just a few hours. LOL
I have had so many good chats with good friends today, I don't want to sleep - It will all end!

My week: I am in the process of sewing an incredibly gorgeous ball gown for a more gorgeous friend. It is turning out better than I was expecting! I'm so happy!!
And I need to make some phone calls this week that I have been putting off, that's for sure!
I have to work three nights this week, so that takes out of my day like I wish it didn't. This weekend is the last weekend before..(insert drum roll).....LIENDO! I AM SO FREAKIN' EXCITED! Not that you can tell of course....

This is gonna have to be 'it' for tonight. I'M TIRED!

I just flew a flag on Facebook for Veterans Day, tomorrow. I want to especially thank my friends that are in the Military currently:

Thor Sumner(Marines,Afganistan),

Kelley Duke(Army,West Point),

Trey Campbell(Army,Germany)

~Vic

Get behind me, Satan!

Satan is desperatly trying to ruin a wonderful conversation by messing with phone batteries, and whatever else he can get his hands on. Get away from me, satan! God is with me. There is nothing you can do to harm me. Thank you, God!!

New website!!!!

Yay!! I finally made my own website. You can find it here - www.southernrosebuds.webs.com

I'm pretty excited about it! Check it out, and leave a comment if you want!

How's that for "America's got Talent"?

Ok, so I have a brother that is very good at this whole "trick riding" thing. Here is our reliable horse, Ranger, and my brother. This horse will follow him anywhere, probably why this does not work for me.

He can ride around like this all day - no problem.

And did I mention that my brother looks just like Nick Jonas? Odd.

My Birthday

I should have posted this almost a month ago. Time flies!

Here are some pictures from my big "19". :)

Me :)

The most amazingly awesome cheesecake that my wonderful mother made for my birthday. Yum!

It was a good birthday. :)

Can you spell I.N.S.A.N.E???

Well, I sure can!!! That has been the title of my life the last few weeks. Whew!

One thing for sure: I am insanely happy that our house is done-er than it has been for a long time! We have been moving various things, and the "old" house is beginning to look really empty. That's good though! I have some recent pictures from the new house that I would like to share with you. I'm just so excited about moving!!

Dad is building allllll the cabinets for this house. Trust me, there are a ton!!

Mom's Sewing room

The kitchen

Ha, you can tell where the sink will go! :)

Laundry room

These cute little cubbies are to stack folded clothes in. Cool, huh?

Some pictures of my sewing room before the cabinets were finished.

Man, I have so many more pictures, but first I need to get them off the camera. Will update soon with more recent ones.

As far as the rest of my insane life: I am trying to finish up sewing projects before the first weekend in October. The Battle for Fort Crawford should be interesting. If you wonder what it is that I do for a living, you can find out at www.southernrosebuds.webs.com.

The insanity has traveled into my personal life as well....I didn't know that life could be this complicated?!?! Part of growing up, I guess.

Well, I hope you enjoy the pictures, and I WILL POST SOON AGAIN.

God Bless, CallMeVic

Nightmares

God, why do you give me these nightmares? I really don't understand. This last one about blew me to pieces....was asking him about it the right thing to do? It is so comforting to know that he is ok. Nightmares are horrible. Give me peace. Keep him safe.

Right now I need prayer for 2 friends of mine. One stationed in Iraq, another soon to be shipped to Graffen, Germany, then Afganistan.