Day 19

Hey! We are in the teen digits now! Woohoo!

I am majorly missing out on something and I don't know exactly what it is...but I have reason to believe that someone was close by tonight....While we were watching a movie, mom thought she heard him come up the steps.....funny, since we saw the statuses then. :) Thanks...its comforting to know he drove past all 700 ;)

This morning with the cooler temperatures and nice breeze, it felt just like Easter Sunday did this spring. And that fact brought lots of memories with it. Smells, sights, recollections. *sigh* tomorrow is half-way. I think the second half will go faster than the first.

I had better get off and go to sleep. Tomorrow is a busy day, and I have a ton of things to do this week. Looking forward to the weekend though, and Ez's party! Will be great to get out again.

Goodnight yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'll.

<(")

Day 18

Almost half-way!!! ;)))

Today was so random - I spent some time on the computer downloading fonts, and getting acquainted with Picasa. :) Then this afternoon, we went to a friends' house, and she gave us the cutest chihuahua. He is brindle and white spotted - cutest thing ever.

Meet LeBeau

        

This was the only picture where he really looked up at the camera.. He likes to hide his head.

Cutie

So we spent some time this afternoon lovin' on the new 'baby'. BTW: He lives outside. Just so ya know ;)

Dad and Judson went to Rockdale and picked up a b e a t i f u l horse that someone gave us. Don't have any pictures of her yet, but will try and get some soon! 

Tonight mom and us girls watched a movie: Sabrina, with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond. Never seen that one, but really liking it! 

Oh, and I repainted my toenails. I feel dressed now. :) I read a quote the other day in Pinterest, "You're never fully dressed without a smile". So, even if you're smiling, I think people WOULD prefer if you wore clothes though. Just sayin'. 

I really missed spending my lazy saturday with someone....and I wonder how he spent his. I wonder if he thought about me. I want him to know that I am praying for him. 

Well, I need to head for bed so I don't fall asleep in church in the morning. 

Goodnight! <(")

P.S. If my heart was a house you'd be home - Owl City

Day 19

Whew! Call me female.....I was shopping for 11 hours today. But I found such great stuff!!! :) But now I'm so tired, and I have a case of hives that is keeping me awake, and typing in the dark. Its hard to sleep when your itching.

I had a wonderful text conversation with a friend today while I was shopping. She is so encouraging, and really knows what I'm going through right now. She told me about some books that might help me, and was generally a real face brightener. Thanks, Emily. :)

I'm sooo sleeeeeeepppppy, and I only get to sleep till 7 in the morning. Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day! Oh! And we are getting another horse in the afternoon :D She looks lovely.

Oh well, I'm off to bed now. Sleep sweet!

<(")

Day 20

One third of the way there. I can make it. I know it.

Today was tough. Sometimes it just hits me really hard how much I miss him. And then the tears come.
God is still in control, and has seen me through another 24 hours. 288 down, only 456 more to go.

"You're the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep at night"... Thank you Westlife. You say it so well.

<(")

Insert broken heart

I don't know where to begin... Recently we (my family) has been studying up on the end times prophesies, and how it applies to everything that is happening right now. I don't know how to explain it all, but there are some major things that will be happening in a few weeks that totally line up with the Bible. We can expect the Rapture literally any day. On September 20, there will be an earthquake. It talks about it in Revelation, when the Woman constellation lines up with the moon, and has a halo of 12 stars around her head. The media knows about this - they aren't stupid. They can see these things coming. On September 25, the U.S. will pass a law that readily allows gays in the Military. The wars that are coming, its all been prophesied. The last major end times prophesy was fulfilled in 1948, when Israel became a nation. The Bible says that 1 generation(70 years) later, is when the Tribulation ends. 1948+70=2018-7 years of Tribulation, lands the Rapture in 2011. What really gets me is that this stuff will really begin to happen on September 20. If You are reading this, you will know the signifigance. And that, is what breaks my heart. I am at a loss to know what God is doing through all this. What has He been trying to teach me/us? I am frightened, scared, sad...I don't know what to do.

Even if that was our last goodbye, I love you, Luke Dominic Massey.  <(")

Day 21

(3x7=21) 3 more weeks. Whoopdedoandbababing.

I really need a hug.

Today has been slightly odd.....some people ask me if I'm OK. Don't I look OK to you? And then other 'friends', or rather people I thought were friends, hardly even speak to me. Right now, I need people to talk to. Not because I want sympathy, but because I want to be friendly.

I didn't forget to post yesterday, if you were wondering. Our internet was wacky, so I couldn't. :( Messed up my record :P

I have been listening to Josh Groban all day. Sqee! Even if it's in Latin, it seems to calm me, and I can actually think and pray while it's playing.

God uses some of the randomest things to remind us that we are His children. When I took my nap today, I had some really weird(scary) dreams...usual, but when I woke, I heard this voice in my ear. "Be still my child, I will take care of you."  And I was once again reminded that I, as God's child need to be still so I can hear Him speak. So often I catch myself being so loud in asking and praying for something specific that I want, that I can't hear Him when He answers. So, yes, it was rather random, but God uses ways like that to get our attention. I could hardly wake up from that nap. I sacked out so hard, my head felt like lead.

Right now when it's hard for me to sit at the piano and play music, I listen to more on my laptop, and downloads and stuff....Funny what you find when you look for it. ALSO, I got a pre-order CD from some special friends that have a band. LOVE THEIR CD. Its ahhma-ZING. Here is a link to their band page, if you would 'Like' to like it. :D I can't wait to share the CD with Luke.

So, music, blogging, and sewing are huge parts in my life right now. Besides all the chocolate and coffee. Both of which I am cutting back on. Luke does not want a central nervous system ruined-overindulged girlfriend when this is over :P

I found a Camo hat somewhere and just had to have a picture :)

I 'made' these on Picnik the other day after getting some inspiration from Pinterest. I thought they turned out pretty great!!

Thank you, Pooh Bear for your quote. I love it! 

That's all for now, peeps.

<(")

Day 23

Webcams make self-portraits sooo much easier. Ha.

Today was...hot. For 9.5 hours, I painted white paint. And more paint....and I think you get the picture. This is an old house, so there is no A/C, just open windows, and some fans to help the paint dry. The painting also involved ladders. Which I hate. Mom, and us girls when with dad to Rosebud to help him with a house that he's working on for someone. I'M SO HAPPY THOUGH. WE GOT IT ALL DONE TODAY. That means that we don't have to go tomorrow. XD
Then I had to come home and peel paint off of me and my hair. Bleh. But, like I posted on FB, white paint makes pretty freckles. :) I'm happy to be clean.
(I know I'm not to reward myself with food, but can I have some chocolate now, since I did such a good job painting?)

The rest? of my day has been spent relaxing. And I love it. I just want my special person to relax WITH. I miss him more when I get sleepy.

I got a sweet message from a friend I've never met today. It cheered me up muchly. She's praying for me, and you really can't beat that from a friend.

I think I'm gonna go and eat some chocolate now.

'Night, peeps!

<(")

Day 24

Hello, everyone!

I don't have much time to blog tonight...I have to be up early in the morning, to go paint a house. Lovely. I just LOVE to get paint in my hair :P

Today was pretty uneventful...I was very lonely and bored this afternoon. :( Really missing my Baby, and the Sunday afternoons that we would spend together. Someday...

Tonight we went to the 4th Sunday singing...turned out better than I thought it would. I played some piano, very impromptu-y. Hmm, everyone said that it sounded great! So, I really hope that it did. :)

More tomorrow, peeps! Have a blessed day!

<(")

Day 25

Whew. Being told that you are a religious tyrant is not the best way to end the day. God is still MY God, and I will defend what I believe. Even if it means losing a 14 year long friend.

That said, today was....lonely. I need T.L.C. Tickling, Laughing, and Cuddling. Or Talking, Luke, and Chocolate. Or Tickling, Luke, and Coffee. Oh well, I just need the TLC!! :) All of those are very essential to my health.

I was so sad today that I had to tell a friend that I won't make it to her wedding... :/ I really wanted to go, but something is telling me that I just shouldn't. So I'm trusting God on this one. He knows I want to go, and that I HATE that I'm missing it. I get to see pictures though! Not the same...but still. I'm just happy that she is marrying that man of her dreams :) God bless you both!!

A lot of today was spent in subconscious prayer. You know, when you pray something, and then later you think of something else, and just the whole day is like that. I like days like that. Being in constant communication with God is such a wonderful feeling. Yeah, still you need times that are specifically dedicated to it, but I love it that Grace allows us to come to Him whenever we want - wherever we are. So, over the course of the day, God and I got a lot of talking done. Even when I read, hear, or see things that discourage me, I know that God is right there with encouragement.

*sigh* This month of silence makes me want to give up Facebook. It's so hard to be on there at the same time he is, and not be able to talk to him. Cold Turkey is a hard sandwich to swallow!! God will bring us through.

Sleep in peace!

<(")

Day 26

Wow. The numbers are ticking off so fast. Thank you Jesus! This week has flown by, and dragged its tail all at the same time.

Today was pretty good. I didn't have time to sit and cry (yeah!), and managed not to drink too much coffee. And I haven't had chocolate. Hmm, that one's getting to me right about now. (grabs some Dark chocolate that's too close) Dove tells me to take time to notice the colors of the leave changing. Already? Boy oh boy, was that chocolate good. :)

I FINALLY went and got a webcam today when I was in town. I already love it! It takes cool pictures, and has the neatest effects. I can tell I'm going to have fun with it.

You know that feeling when you give something so totally to God to take care of, that you feel like you're being lazy when you don't have something to 'do' anymore? Well, that's how I feel. So wonderful, exhilarating, and fun, but at the same time, scary, scarier, and scariest! I don't want to become lazy and lax in my prayer time with God just because he has it all under control, but rather I want to spend this freedom in just talking to God. He loves it when we just talk to him. I read a quote recently, "Sometimes God waits to answer prayers....just so He can get us to talk to Him longer". It made me think. God wants to be wanted and pursued, and not just when we are in hot water or need something only He can give us. He wants to have a love relationship with us, as His children. Sometimes I just like to sit in His lap, and he tells me how precious I am to him... and that he loves me so much. God is just awesome.

I really missed Luke today. There were times where I just wanted to pick up my phone and call or text him, to tell him something that had happened or whatever...it's hard to retrain your thinking.

Here are a few pictures from my new webcam adventures. :)






Well, goodnight peeps! Sweet well, and sleep dreams. <3

<(")

Day 27

I'm watching Sense and Sensibility. Not a very good thing, when my heart is in the state it is.
I listened to the song, Never knew Lonely, today. It was so true. Today I felt so lonely. So sad...just wanted to sigh so loudly, that he could hear me from here. My heart cries out that this would all be over with already. I miss his voice. I just miss HIM! And we have so far to go yet. Right now I want to call him and see how his day went. Tell him that I love him, and wish him pleasant dreams. But I can't. And it hurts. I suppose this missing him is normal, with the other half of my heart being gone.

I actually only had one nap today...not too much coffee, and minimal chocolate. I should be able to sleep well tonight. And I got some sewing done. I feel good about what got done, even with the state that my spirits were in. God continues to give me comfort - even when I feel sad. God gives me hugs :)

That said, I freakin' miss you Baby. Check Yes or No.

<(")

Day 28

28 is better than 31!!

I was not feeling very 'up' today...I actually SAW the sunrise this morning. I think God should have scheduled them later if he wanted me to see them every day. *sigh* But, I made it through the morning. Had a down slump when I had to go to town and get feed though...I ended up right across the road from where Luke works. So close, yet soooo far away. I almost had to cry just from the sheer force that was shoving me, and yet pulling on me at the same time. I know I'm not a dog, and therefor I'm not to reward myself with food, but I had some coffee as soon as possible to celebrate not caving. Oh great. The rest of my afternoon went fairly well. How could it not - I slept for most of it.

After waking, I decided that I needed to try out the new coffee and Cold Cup from Starbucks that [Luke] so sweetly gave me for my birthday. M-M Good. ;) I think he knows me too well.






(Yes, I know they are in the wrong order)

So, now that it's so late in the day, I need to get to work, and finish up some sewing things. With my coffee, A/C, music, and computer, I can get so much done!
God blesses me through the randomest things. Thank you, God!

<(")

Day 29

It's been a bad day. A very bad day. I took 2 naps. Slept so hard both times, and I'm still tired! Not enough prayer time, not enough coffee, not enough chocolate. Not enough laughing. I didn't get anything done today. I don't feel important. And that was proved. We never found out that the ladies' bible study was moved. No one bothered to call me... Yes, I am complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. I'll stop now.

The things that I am thankful for:

God
Luke
Family
Sunshine
COFFEE
Kisses (the chocolate variety :( )
Movies
Naps
Internet
Facebook
Silly websites that make you laugh

Whew... But, I feel blessed. God is still God, and He is still in control. I have nothing to worry about. Thank you, Jesus!

<(")

Day 30

My posts may not be long, but I would like to get to posting every day...to document, and discipline myself to be able to do this. It can't be that hard...

Today was mostly good...not all dead, but slightly alive. Which is better than crying all the time! I had decided that God has all this in His hands, and if I try and mess with it, I'll mess something up. I need to keep my patty fingers out of God's business. That said, I need to do more praying....letting God work is easier said than done.

I was so tired today. A combination of stress, not sleeping, crying, and a host of other things. So I drank coffee to stay awake. Lots of it. Now I'm having trouble sleeping. Not good....but it gives me quiet times to pray when I'm not distracted!
I am confident that God has everything in His hands, and under control. It's my job to pray that He work His will in my life, and to be obedient to His Word. I love God! He blesses me more than I can begin to count! God wants us to ask for blessings...so if you feel you aren't being blessed, ask yourself if you are ASKING Him to bless you!! God wants to be wanted. He created us to worship Him. he created us with a purpose. Go, praise God!!

<(")

The Countdown: Day 31

I'll be loving you forever....this is the song I am listening to. He gave it to me the other night to listen to, cause we both knew what was going to happen. It sure didn't make it any easier. This morning, I wanted to wake up and be told this nightmare is over. But its not. 31 more days. I just want to sit here and cry my eyes out. It hurts so bad. Silence, for a month?! Are you kidding me? That sounds like forever...if I would have used the head God gave me, I would have protested that 2 weeks is plenty of time. Because now I understand some of the repercussions that will happen. I wish God would have made those things clear to me before this. I would have had a different opinion. But you know what? Its happened, and I CAN'T CHANGE IT. NO MATTER HOW BAD IT HURTS.

So, today I sit here...crying out to God what to do next. He is the only way I am ever going to make it through the next month without going insane. He is the only one that will calm and quiet my heart about what could and would happen. And what will. God is in control. He has my good in mind, and will never leave me or forsake me.

<(")

Now, on to the next chapter....

Today is my birthday....I like to tell people that I am old now, having passed from the teenage years, and into my 20's. I really liked those teen years....so much good happened, so much learning.....but, I will also enjoy growing older and wiser. With age comes wisdom, right? Can I be 90 today?

God has blessed me with wonderful family, friends, and heart supporters. I don't know what I would do without them. They keep me going when the road seems too long and hard.

Here is to today: May God be the center, may we seek Him with all our hearts, and may we love more deeply than ever before.

Growing older is mandatory, growing up is optional. (I know some people (wink wink) that would agree with me)

I may post again later with pictures ;)

This post is long overdue...

When I last posted, it was on a very difficult weekend of my life. As the Lord had it, there WAS a break in our relationship, but just one week later, God brought us back together, and had plans for us. He is so good! Just TWO days later....we were ENGAGED! June 6th.... :) Wedding planning was in full swing....so many things to plan, decide, and be indecisive about. But, oh so much fun. There was even a date set. We were so excited.

Sadly, as you can tell, everything that I am writing is in the past tense. Just 1 month and 11 days after being engaged, we parted ways permanently. That is, until God leads differently. The reason this happened, is long and painful to describe. All I can say, is that God is doing a work in both of us, and He will reveal His wonderful plan to us, as He sees fit.

Its very heartbreaking though....there are so many memories...some days, I can't stop crying. I won't eat Oreos. I won't play piano. Singing is hard. Chocolate sticks in my throat. Laughter is few and far between. Its so hard to let go....all of our pictures went away for a while....along with notes, chocolate wrappers, dried roses etc....so that I can grieve and heal during this time. I am praying for him, me, us....I'm praying for the will of God to be shown in and through us.

Take care to notice - I love him dearly and desperately. That will not change.
God just has different plans for our lives, separately, right now.

This is so hard to write...I would not trade the last 7 months of my life, or the privelege of knowing Luke, for ANYTHING. I have learned so much from him...He brought a laughter and a joy to my life, that was not there before. It has been a pleasure to know him.

I still love you, Luke Dominic Massey.

My heart is breaking

Today, I had to do the hardest things ever. I had to say good bye. To someone that I love dearly. I am only strong enough to do this, because of God's divine strength within me.

We have mutually agreed that there needs to be a break in our relationship, so that we can see what it is that God is trying to work out in us. I have total confidence in the plan that God has - no matter what it is. I love him enough to let him go. It hurts me to see him hurting. I can pray for him. I can be his friend.

There is no good bye.

I love you, Luke Dominic Massey.

God, please heal my breaking heart...

This weekend has been the toughest in my life. I'm still not sure how everything will turn out, but I need a miracle. I am asking you to pray with me. MY GOD WILL MAKE A WAY!

Oh, Joy!

Wow! It has been way to long since I have posted something here.

I am once again, the Lady of the House. This time, mom is gone to Albania, Europe on a mission trip. I think that God is using this time to prepare me foe something in my future. I have a lot of mixed feelings about her being gone. Its way too long and involved a story to post on here, but I know God has a plan. It will all work out for His glory.

Saturday was a particularly hard day for me, knowing that mom was leaving on Monday etc. Having been on the phone with Luke for the better part of an hour, I knew he would come around noon. He asked me to meet him at the gate. I said. "Sure, why not? I would love that!" I got to the gate about the same time he did. I went to his door, and he asked me to close my eyes. (All this time, i'm thinking, umm what on earth?!)So, I closed my eyes. When he said to open them, there was the most beautiful bouquet of roses in front of me. 3 ginormous roses. Red roses. I was speechless. They were so beautiful!! After thanking, and hugging him, i sat back to admire them. We both found significance in three roses. Well, first of all, red is for Love. And the three roses symbolize God, Luke, and I. A trio. A circle. Never ending. I love it. After putting them in more water, mom got the camera, and took some (many) pictures for us. I love them all, and can't decide which ones are my favorite. I will share some with you. During this whole time, I was thanking God for blessing me with such a wonderful man to love. I believe that He has a wonderful plan and purpose for our lives. I can't wait to find out what it is!

Ok, here are some {adorable} pictures for you to enjoy!